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Holy Mother of all Hallucinations!

The scale has not budged! The scale is +1 lbs from last week, and I know. I KNOW for a fact that I have been eating so that I should have at least – 2lbs weight loss!! I curse my endomorphic body and it’s amazing ability to retain any nutrients, salts, and waters and trick my brain into discouragement!!! Thankfully, my circumference measurements are OK. In fact, so OK that my favorite jeans are loose on my thighs. I don’t know if I like this too much, because I liked the way they looked before this absolutely apparent thigh room.

Instead of these amazingly portion controlled little things, I ended up buying a whole bag of them in bulk...

Remember when I was talking about Swedish fish? Oh those damn pesky things swam right into my mouth yesterday. All 450 kcal of them.  This morning, after 100 kcal slipped into my mouth, I went to the garbage can and threw the rest of them away.  I was so proud of myself! I hate to throw things away (food) thinking that it will go to waste. Then I rationalized myself in that moment of absurdity that they really will go to waste on my hips.  So, I took the rest of the container of them and just tossed it away. Out of sight, out of mind! Besides, there are some delicious, local peaches at the grocery stores right now. So yummy! And so much tastier than candy. At least I keep telling myself that.

Yesterday, I was tried. I was cranky. I had a head ache. I was 80 feet away from the gym and drove right past it. Today, I am going to go there early and work on getting some sexy shoulders. Yay! I am having a little bit of a slow start, though.

I’m on a journey to be healthy, not on a punishment for little slip ups. It’s hard for me to not strive for perfection. I have the rest of my life to think about, not just short term goals to satisfy.  I am just thankful that I can see the changes in me. I can feel the changes. Running outside the other day was far easier than I expected.  It doesn’t matter how I got to this state of fat, what matters is how I handle things from here on out.  That, and taking deep breaths and reminding myself that I am on the right path, and I should not give up regardless of what happens on the scale.

And in that quest, I have to put myself first.


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