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Help I’m Alive!

Oh gosh. .. that’s all I have to say about the last few weeks.

I didn’t realize that I am this angry and this depressed. I’ve had the weekend to be by myself and think about things without my roommate being anywhere around. It’s been good. I canceled all my social activities. I have been cleaning, and organizing things. I went over my finances (which is what has made me so grouchy).  I’ve talked so much about being prepared and organized to keep things going — this is the first thing that has taken a hit while I haven’t cared enough to even get out of bed most of the time. Well, I want to get ahead and make my dreams come true, so I am trying to get a second job until thing change at my current one for better.

I know I said this last time too, but now I have some sort of an action plan. I do want to be healthy, after all. I’ve been snowboarding a little bit, and that’s good. I just need to ramp up my exercise somewhat, and definitely get back in gear with my regular eating!!!  I’ve identified diet coke to be just pure evil. I really can’t be drinking it, because I end up eating snack then, too. I just have to stick with water, and maybe coffee. I haven’t had any of that for a few days either. The amount of creamer I have in a week is crazy!!! So, reduce the amount of caffeine, and increase water intake. That’s my number one liquid goal.

Then, I still need to make an exercise schedule. I have been completely paralyzed when it has come to exercise. I went to snowboard, but I have this fear of going to Gold’s!! It’s full of people that are toned and looking nice, and I don’t.  I am obese, and I see no obese people in that Gold’s any longer. It’s uncomfortable, but I am going to be pushing through it. I can’t fix the flat on my bike either, so I need to go get a new inner tire for it.  But I am going to do that.  Right now though, I fell pretty hard Thursday on the snowboard, hit my head and I am sore all over my body. Today has been the worse, I have barely been able to walk at all, and my shoulders are completely jammed. That needs to heal, and I can resume some weight-lifting.

The biggest thing I have to tackle, is my diet.  I haven’t been preparing things ahead of time at all. I am going to be now. I bought zip-lock bags just so I could portion out all my oatmeal in the oatmeal container, instead of doing anything so hurried when I go to work. I also bought some frozen food entrees for those days when I am running late to work, or haven’t prepared anything the night before. This should help with the Jack-in-the-box runs I’ve had lately.

That’s all.

It just feels nicer when everything is in order, clean… I know what’s going to be happening.  I know what I’m going to be eating the next month, and I don’t have to starve. Those are all good things. Very good things indeed.

Current weight: 315.8 lbs….  I am just thankful that for as much I’ve been eating during the holidays, it’s not more than that.


2 responses


    Girl, I’m about 15# heavier. You carry it so well!

    January 21, 2011 at 2:06 pm

  2. Thank you. I haven’t completely been gone… I was just struggling with everything!!! Feels so good to be on track!!!

    I hope you are doing well! I hope to be able to catch up on your journal properly soon.

    January 25, 2011 at 5:35 am

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