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Hello, World.

It’s spring, and I’m being emotional. It is so strange to feel this much things from one extreme to the other. I went a little on the deep end side on my “couple of days off from dieting”, but it appears that I am relatively back in track again. At least, I was counting calories today, and it felt good. I feel like it is the only thing keeping me balanced, when I am going through this strange healing process.

Really, I’ve experienced a sudden flush of feelings go through me. I’ve been empathetic to other people’s feelings in a way I haven’t in a long while. I feel the pain of others when they are hurt. I hurt for them. I just need some time to adjust to that. My thoughts are pretty unfocused, so yesterday, when I ran 2 miles, I didn’t even notice I had gone 1.5 miles until it hit me that I had just ran the whole time, without even thinking about it — I was thinking about everything else.

So, this is all good and dandy. I need to make sure I get a run in Friday (tomorrow is going to be too busy). I’ve been way too social the past two weeks, too, and so my exercise regime has suffered greatly by it. Today, I could have gone and done something, but I am hurting, thanks to my miserable set of ovaries. If I didn’t want babies on of these eons, I would just have them take the crap out of me.

I got my promotion at work officially. I need to take care of that paperwork, too. I haven’t even thought about it in a few days. I have been too focused on getting the next big, actual real paycheck. There are so many things that I can take care of now, one thing at a time. Then, I hope that by December, I can move out of here to live by myself again.

Or maybe I’ll fall in love with a man that is as crazy about me as I am about him.

Well, my work affair is going nicely, I guess. It’s just a little complicated, as I knew it was going to be. It allows me to get some of the things that I have been craving for, but it’s definitely contributing to my current state of mind (and heart!). He’s not that emotionally invested in me, as he is still healing from a heart break, and I am not in love with him. I still crave him deeply, and feel more connected to him than I do with any other person at the moment. I want to just cuddle and not talk, I want someone to hold me, and be comfortable with. Being with him, accomplishes that.

And I suppose it was cute when he got madly jealous when a new guy at work was hitting on me hardcore. Who knows what happens with this. If it doesn’t work out again, I’m going to break my heart. I know this, and I am kind of OK with that. I just need to stay focused on my health, though. I am still excited that I’ve lost almost 50 lbs, even if I’ve not done any progress for a little bit. I feel like I haven’t given up, and I’ve made great lifestyle changes despite that I am not actively dropping weight at the moment.


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