Outch. Outch. Outch. Dairy queen just killed my guts. I had a lovely small strawberry cheesequake blizzard Saturday evening, and by today, I am having such terrible cramps. This is the second time since my lifestyle overhaul that I’ve had problems with ice cream specifically — not fast food, not dairy, not candy, not donuts… just ice scream.
So, today at work, I managed to go to the bathroom every 45 minutes, just so that nothing happened. I feel that this gas inside of my GI-track is literally pummeling me from the inside out, and probably explains why my belly measurements were 1/2 inch higher than they were yesterday morning. Well, not to worry, I’ve just medicated myself with some Milk of Magnesia again (see: more about my digestive woes ). I even got some Diurex (I had no idea they sold that over the counter) so I can maybe get rid of some of this edema I’m having at my lower extremities. It will come useful when battling PMS symptoms.
And speaking of a crummy day regarding food, I bought Michelina’s 5 cheese lasagna today. What is this for food?!?! I feel like I’ve been robbed of perfectly good 280 kcal eating three miserable slabs of pasta with some tomato sauce, not even half an inch thickness. I want to know where the hell is the cheese?!?!?!?! I know Michelina’s food is cheap, processed garbage usually anyway (chicken that doesn’t even resemble chicken), but this lasagna is the new low I’ve experienced.
Good news though: yesterday I was on the killer-elliptical-running-stair-stepper-machine for 40 minutes, and burnt about 750 kcal. I have been feeling the burn even today!!! So excited. I was even more excited to notice that I weighed 292.4 lbs this morning! That means that little by little I’m getting closer to my goals.
Although, I am completely paranoid about getting loose skin…. [insert hysterical scream]….
I am at 296.4 lbs. That means, in a month, I’ve lost about 3 lbs total. I’ve lost approximately 1% of bodyfat, my measurements have gone down a bit. That’s a good thing.
This month wasn’t great at all for a couple of reasons: first, I binged an entire week because of my emotional bruise from my friend. Then, the next week, while I was regaining my confidence, I went out to eat several times with friends, and then finally, last weekend I ended up at Sun Valley in Idaho. It’s a gorgeous ski resort town with five star everything, and definitely worth every penny. I managed to eat and drink so much, that there was almost no progress to be made.
But I did get back on to exercising and eating healthy, and I looked forward to feeling good!!! I was happy to realize that despite eating all that amazing food (definitely 5 star everything), I was so happy to get back to my own routines and just get back on track, too. So hopefully, next month will be better. I haven’t been drinking anything for over a week, I haven’t gone over in my calories, and I am hoping that by the end of April, I would hit the 290 lbs. Then it will start feeling like I’m starting where I should have been in the first place!!
That will be 50 lbs lost total. 🙂
As if you haven’t noticed that I haven’t updated in a while! I was doing so well, and then I ended up being entirely too social with men. I met some amazing men via OKCupid, and ended up going out on several dates here in the past few weeks. Work got a bit crazy, and so did my eating. What does that mean in practice? I don’t want to know!!!!
Now that things have settled down, I feel like I want to be back on track. I know I won’t make my 300 lbs by my birthday now, but it should be perfectly doable by New Years! I feel good about looking better, feeling better. I feel good about fitting into my clothes better, but what I am not feeling good is that I can feel a little more flab around my belly after all the dinners and coffee I’ve been drinking with the boys.
I haven’t been able to run outside in the evenings, because it’s been slick and icy. Yesterday, it felt amazing to be able to go to the gym during some normal hours and do 40 minutes of cardio.It was tough, considering I ran last time last week, but today I feel so good about it. I feel good that I haven’t stuffed my mouth with sugars and candy (damn you Halloween!). I am going to try to make it there today, too. However, the ski season started and I have plans to go snowboarding tomorrow. And then, it’s snowboarding all winter season long!! I am so excited! That’s exercise without even exercising! As long as I can stay off the ski lodge and all that delicious beer…
And I met a guy that has lost 170 lbs in the past 2 years. He looks amazing. He’s friendly, sexy, and absolutely wonderful to talk with. He asked me to go out with him again. He doesn’t want to be with someone who’s too lazy to be active, and I certainly don’t want to be in that category either! Seems like we click really well. There’s definitel chemistry going on between us. Although, there’s my nerdy lawyer boy too, with whom I just spent Thanksgiving with….
Oh, decision, decisions! I just need to get my daily routines back on track!!! And thank you for the nice messages! I appreciate them so much. I really haven’t forgotten about this blog; I’ve just felt the last few weeks that I’ve been entirely too overwhelmed with things in general. I just refuse to have all that good effort to go down the toilet, because things got crazy. I now know that saying “no”, and sticking to routines, and scheduling my life a bit ahead of time is essential. It should be easier to stick to things again.
Even if I am dreaming about boys…
While I’m feeling really guilty that I am nursing a slight shin splint, and I really am too tired to do practically anything, I figured I’d at least take pictures of my current progress! I have been struggling all week with motivation; it was definitely all I could do to keep focused on the positive things when the scale didn’t move at all for five days. It’s strange how that can psychologically just wear you down. I know I’ve been retaining ridiculous amounts of water after all the sodium I’ve ingested in the form of McDonald’s and other processed foods. My ankles could probably serve as a reservoir to the local water company.
Mid-week, what really kept me going was my mother’s support (“Yes, you need to do this for you. I am so happy you are doing this!”) and my awesome 2 mile walk/ run two days ago. Although I didn’t run continuously the entire time, I did run far further and with less walking distance than I have in a year. What’s even better, I have my excel spread sheet open on my desktop all the time. I can’t get away from it! I am logging every piece of food I am eating, all the exercise I am doing, and my measurements (and spending money). I would be completely lost without it! It’s keeping me accountable, and I can’t talk myself out of the reality of things, i.e. everything I do is in black and white in front of me, and I can’t pretend that I’ve done something different.
Today, I had way too many carbs in the morning, and consequently, I have been starving all day. It’s been hard to try to not go over my allotted calories considering how little I’ve managed to move all day (read: to my car and back — twice!). I want to make sure that I am getting adequate rest, and still keeping a moderate calorie deficiency while doing so. Thank god for low-calorie vegetables and tuna for allowing me to survive until tomorrow without any major binges.
Then the good news: I was so happy this morning! I weighed myself at an incredible 313.2 lbs! That being said, it’s been four weeks since I have been on this journey, and here are the progress pictures. Personally, I can’t see a lot of change in the new picture. My sides seem a little less angled. My tape measurements are definitely down from before:
Drumroll! The most exciting part of this is that my chest is again bigger than my belly!!! Wooohoo! That is something to be celebrate for.
The scale has not budged! The scale is +1 lbs from last week, and I know. I KNOW for a fact that I have been eating so that I should have at least – 2lbs weight loss!! I curse my endomorphic body and it’s amazing ability to retain any nutrients, salts, and waters and trick my brain into discouragement!!! Thankfully, my circumference measurements are OK. In fact, so OK that my favorite jeans are loose on my thighs. I don’t know if I like this too much, because I liked the way they looked before this absolutely apparent thigh room.
Remember when I was talking about Swedish fish? Oh those damn pesky things swam right into my mouth yesterday. All 450 kcal of them. This morning, after 100 kcal slipped into my mouth, I went to the garbage can and threw the rest of them away. I was so proud of myself! I hate to throw things away (food) thinking that it will go to waste. Then I rationalized myself in that moment of absurdity that they really will go to waste on my hips. So, I took the rest of the container of them and just tossed it away. Out of sight, out of mind! Besides, there are some delicious, local peaches at the grocery stores right now. So yummy! And so much tastier than candy. At least I keep telling myself that.
Yesterday, I was tried. I was cranky. I had a head ache. I was 80 feet away from the gym and drove right past it. Today, I am going to go there early and work on getting some sexy shoulders. Yay! I am having a little bit of a slow start, though.
I’m on a journey to be healthy, not on a punishment for little slip ups. It’s hard for me to not strive for perfection. I have the rest of my life to think about, not just short term goals to satisfy. I am just thankful that I can see the changes in me. I can feel the changes. Running outside the other day was far easier than I expected. It doesn’t matter how I got to this state of fat, what matters is how I handle things from here on out. That, and taking deep breaths and reminding myself that I am on the right path, and I should not give up regardless of what happens on the scale.
And in that quest, I have to put myself first.
And the results are in… I have lost about 5 lbs! Yay! And today I don’t even have cravings of any sort. Well, other than those yummydelicious gummy bears that my roommate left on the kitchen counter that just simply screamed my name. I didn’t have any of course. I wanted to. Oh god, I can just imagine that lovely, sugary, artificial fruity taste at the tip of my tongue.
But I am not going to have any. In fact, even if I wanted to, I probably can’t crawl to the kitchen right now with the sore muscles I have. I feel like Michelin Man in a tight corset thanks to delayed onset of muscle soreness. It appears the exercises are at least working. I do feel good about that. I feel good overall that I am structuring my life around being healthy. I’ve been “fixing” a lot of the things around me, schedule-wise. Well, I was still able to incorporate two 300kcal cheeseburgers from McDonald’s today. Darned they were… overly sweet with ketchup and really salty!?
I have not had any crack today (aka Diet Coke). Moreover, I should do a little research on the liquid. In my very unprofessional opinion, diet coke is bad for weight loss. Not just because everyone says it is, but I do distinctly remember making more progress in the past when I have not been drinking the fizzy nectarine. I already know that people are more likely to be obese if they drink diet sodas and use artificial sweeteners, I just want to know WHY diet drinks are such a detriment to my weight loss goals. I suppose I should make a mental note about that and dig deeper into the interwebs.
Since last week, all my measurements are the same except (in inches):
Upper Arm: -2.5 (I don’t believe this. I must have measured it initially funky).
It appears the only thing in common with 2009 and 2010 is the haircut!!! I just had the pleasure of going over some work summer party pictures, and I was absolutely shocked. It seems like my metamorphosis from a person to a blubber is far more dramatic in pictures that others have taken. I at least have some control over the ones where I pose for myself. Well, here’s the me 50 lbs ago! I don’t even dare with the “when I was 18” ones. Those are just simply depressing.