Can people actually put a weight aside an look at a person for who they are now, on their journey, not just at the end of their journey? I was just having dinner with my friend, when she got a text message from a man she had been talking with. He was at least nice enough to ask if she would be willing to take steps to get healthier! We are both heavy set, so I understand her apprehension with men. I understand the need to be upfront and honest about the weight right from the beginning, and the fear. That godawful sense of rejection that happens over and over and over again.
It’s nice that internet brings people together. It’s just hard to convey the real state of yourself to a person on the other end of it. That’s why I genuinely enjoy meeting people in real life first. You can tell if they are attracted to you. Unfortunately, although plenty men have been interested in me, lately they have been married men in their late 40’s and geeks that are too shy to go out with me. I need a real man! I am not so worried that they are over-weight, as long as they can keep up with me. As long as they are intriguing as people and I am attracted to them in some way.
But at the same time, I know that I am not attracted to people that are beyond certain weight. I can look past a lot of it – but to a certain point who you are is not just what is inside of you, but what is outside. I think that’s where my patience runs out. I want to be thinner, so I can be more accepted. I know it’s cruel, but I do miss someone to cuddle, someone to love.
So, even days like today, when everything has sucked from work to exercise, I try to stay focused. I haven’t caved in yet!
I just wish I had someone to hold onto to when the weather gets nippier. Go out to walk on the riverside. That’s 900 kcal in an hour and half, walking leisurely. I miss that about being married. Just being there, doing things like that together. Well, maybe there is someone out there for me. Meanwhile, I can always try to recruit my friends for long walks. 🙂