I put on my slacks that I’ve had for a bit. They looked nice. I had the nice bubble butt going on. It looks like I have some waist. It looks like I am looking like a woman again, and not just a blubber. Of course, it will take a little while until everyone else will see that, but I have seen the physical changes – and someone else noticed it, too.
I put my fears aside today and answered a dating ad. Eeek! The guy seemed amazing based on what I read! Just the type of man I like. I don’t know what will happen, but gosh, I so want to cuddle! I have not strayed away from my diet, and if things continue like this, I may be 300 lbs by my birthday (December 14th)!!! I think that’s a reasonable, realistic goal. I would love to wear my gorgeous BabyPhat batsleeved dress for it, and go out. Heck, I haven’t been spending money on anything… so this should be golden! 🙂
So, I made a dating profile. I have been looking at these people leerily and looking how intriguing they are: handsome, athletic. Although, I know I have a decently pretty face, I don’t feel comfortable about this whole “Hey, fat chicks wants to be your friend.” I am simply scared to death! This did not used to be this way. Am I supposed to wait until I get a little skinnier to be more accepted – or am I supposed to make things happen now and potentially turn away the person that would love me, but isn’t attracted to me, before I shed this excess me away? Oooooh. The dilemma.
Today is my resting day. I haven’t been very social. This no drinking and no caffeine keeps me rather unwired, and I feel a bit blah in general. I suspect part of this is just that my body is burning around 1000-1500 kcal a day. It’s curious that wearing this Bodybugg, I’ve realized that even on my “resting” day, and going out for walks on my breaks, I simply burned 150 kcal just walking 15 minutes around the perimeter of my work. It sort of explains why I was staying much thinner when I was doing more physical labor. It takes a lot to keep a big girl moving! When I bike for 30 minutes, I maybe burn about 240 kcal the entire time. For me, biking burns less calories than keeping my big body moving at sloth speed on the ground.
I noticed today that my hips have a little bit more a nice shape to them again. I was very happy with that. The circumferences measurements have started to go down finally a little bit. The scale has been stuck all week! Which is probably partially because I am stepping on it all the time like an obsessed food that I am. And it’s a home digital scale, not a professional fancy one. It gives me a +/- 1 lbs difference just stepping on it repeatedly. Another part is that my muscles that I haven’t worked out are getting stronger. I can feel my biceps again after a few weeks! It’s nice that I haven’t lost all my strength from working out. Gaining muscle is okay in my books. Hopefully the scale will go down a little soon, too. It’s the psychological effect of the scale that actually gives me quite the feeling of reward.
And this blog, I am so glad for this blog and you reading it (and commenting on it). It helps me to stay focused on the changes and being motivated. Keeping my Excel worksheet to keep a track of everything – exercise, moods, food intake, measurements, and even my money, is helping tremendously to shape what I am doing and what I am not.