Outch. Outch. Outch. Dairy queen just killed my guts. I had a lovely small strawberry cheesequake blizzard Saturday evening, and by today, I am having such terrible cramps. This is the second time since my lifestyle overhaul that I’ve had problems with ice cream specifically — not fast food, not dairy, not candy, not donuts… just ice scream.
So, today at work, I managed to go to the bathroom every 45 minutes, just so that nothing happened. I feel that this gas inside of my GI-track is literally pummeling me from the inside out, and probably explains why my belly measurements were 1/2 inch higher than they were yesterday morning. Well, not to worry, I’ve just medicated myself with some Milk of Magnesia again (see: more about my digestive woes ). I even got some Diurex (I had no idea they sold that over the counter) so I can maybe get rid of some of this edema I’m having at my lower extremities. It will come useful when battling PMS symptoms.
And speaking of a crummy day regarding food, I bought Michelina’s 5 cheese lasagna today. What is this for food?!?! I feel like I’ve been robbed of perfectly good 280 kcal eating three miserable slabs of pasta with some tomato sauce, not even half an inch thickness. I want to know where the hell is the cheese?!?!?!?! I know Michelina’s food is cheap, processed garbage usually anyway (chicken that doesn’t even resemble chicken), but this lasagna is the new low I’ve experienced.
Good news though: yesterday I was on the killer-elliptical-running-stair-stepper-machine for 40 minutes, and burnt about 750 kcal. I have been feeling the burn even today!!! So excited. I was even more excited to notice that I weighed 292.4 lbs this morning! That means that little by little I’m getting closer to my goals.
Although, I am completely paranoid about getting loose skin…. [insert hysterical scream]….
I am at 296.4 lbs. That means, in a month, I’ve lost about 3 lbs total. I’ve lost approximately 1% of bodyfat, my measurements have gone down a bit. That’s a good thing.
This month wasn’t great at all for a couple of reasons: first, I binged an entire week because of my emotional bruise from my friend. Then, the next week, while I was regaining my confidence, I went out to eat several times with friends, and then finally, last weekend I ended up at Sun Valley in Idaho. It’s a gorgeous ski resort town with five star everything, and definitely worth every penny. I managed to eat and drink so much, that there was almost no progress to be made.
But I did get back on to exercising and eating healthy, and I looked forward to feeling good!!! I was happy to realize that despite eating all that amazing food (definitely 5 star everything), I was so happy to get back to my own routines and just get back on track, too. So hopefully, next month will be better. I haven’t been drinking anything for over a week, I haven’t gone over in my calories, and I am hoping that by the end of April, I would hit the 290 lbs. Then it will start feeling like I’m starting where I should have been in the first place!!
That will be 50 lbs lost total. 🙂
I thought I would feel more excited and accomplished, because today, I finally weighed under 300 lbs. In fact, I weighed 298.8 lbs.
I was laying in bed, feeling good that I have been sticking with things, although it’s been a rough year. I’m nowhere near as far with this journey as I thought I would be. I’ve had a lot of rough patches to work through. I just decided to try it one day at a time, through the plateaus, through the emotional hindrances, through the schedule adjustments.
I feel good about that. It’s not really about being under 300 lbs. It’s about continuing, and loving the journey for what it is. I feel good that I am closer to reaching my “normal weight” of so many years, but I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything, or that I need to reward myself, or even pause just to observe this new life under 300 lbs. I think that’s where I usually get cocky and sabotage myself.
Today, I finally felt that I deserve this for me. I deserve my health and a new body, and I deserve to feel so damn good about just being me.
So, I made a dating profile. I have been looking at these people leerily and looking how intriguing they are: handsome, athletic. Although, I know I have a decently pretty face, I don’t feel comfortable about this whole “Hey, fat chicks wants to be your friend.” I am simply scared to death! This did not used to be this way. Am I supposed to wait until I get a little skinnier to be more accepted – or am I supposed to make things happen now and potentially turn away the person that would love me, but isn’t attracted to me, before I shed this excess me away? Oooooh. The dilemma.
Today is my resting day. I haven’t been very social. This no drinking and no caffeine keeps me rather unwired, and I feel a bit blah in general. I suspect part of this is just that my body is burning around 1000-1500 kcal a day. It’s curious that wearing this Bodybugg, I’ve realized that even on my “resting” day, and going out for walks on my breaks, I simply burned 150 kcal just walking 15 minutes around the perimeter of my work. It sort of explains why I was staying much thinner when I was doing more physical labor. It takes a lot to keep a big girl moving! When I bike for 30 minutes, I maybe burn about 240 kcal the entire time. For me, biking burns less calories than keeping my big body moving at sloth speed on the ground.
I noticed today that my hips have a little bit more a nice shape to them again. I was very happy with that. The circumferences measurements have started to go down finally a little bit. The scale has been stuck all week! Which is probably partially because I am stepping on it all the time like an obsessed food that I am. And it’s a home digital scale, not a professional fancy one. It gives me a +/- 1 lbs difference just stepping on it repeatedly. Another part is that my muscles that I haven’t worked out are getting stronger. I can feel my biceps again after a few weeks! It’s nice that I haven’t lost all my strength from working out. Gaining muscle is okay in my books. Hopefully the scale will go down a little soon, too. It’s the psychological effect of the scale that actually gives me quite the feeling of reward.
And this blog, I am so glad for this blog and you reading it (and commenting on it). It helps me to stay focused on the changes and being motivated. Keeping my Excel worksheet to keep a track of everything – exercise, moods, food intake, measurements, and even my money, is helping tremendously to shape what I am doing and what I am not.
When you really want to do something, life throws you a whole lemon truck to struggle through. Thank god for this blog! Otherwise I’d have no medium to shove all my frustrations and I’d just go for that extra bit of food.
So, I have been feeling really extremely lethargic despite of getting plenty of sleep! I don’t feel like socializing, I don’t feel like doing anything else, and I suppose it makes sense after I looked at my weight at the gym: 318.5 lbs! That means I’ve lost 6.5 lbs since last week! I am scaring myself. I have some of my calculations completely off somewhere, and I suspect it is with my resting metabolic rate. I missed exercising yesterday, I really was just too tired in the evening when I got home. It was closer to nine in the evening and I had left home at 7:30 am. I have been eating at least 1650 kcal every day, if not closer to 2100 kcal. I understand that in the first week most of the weight loss is water, but seriously, the second week, too? Well, at least I feel like I’ve made some progress.
This Bodybugg site is making me go bonkers! I was finally able to afford getting a new subscription to my ages old device that basically measures how many calories I burn every and each day. I need to establish a new baseline. I bought the subscription last night around 11:00 PM. Well, low and behold, they don’t process their payments except 3:00 PM PST each day, so their system does not update, and I can’t log into the site to do what I need. Talk about instant gratification killer! And since I’ve been working in the tech industry, I know how easy it would be to grant access to people immediately after the payment has been inserted by the user, even if it hasn’t cleared from the bank yet. In fact, it’s just as easy to revoke the rights to the site if the payment doesn’t clear at the processing time. Bad coding just upsets me!
But this is not why I am so frustrated. I went to the gym and finished a pretty decent workout set for my legs. I was tired as it gets, but all those dreams and goals about being attractive enough to generate some interest in more eligible men (ahem… and being healthy) kept me motivated. What I am frustrated about is that early into my leg sets, I pulled my inner thigh! I warmed up, I took the first sets of leg presses easy, and then I go ahead and pull that pesky adductor muscle anyway. Grrrrh, grrrh, and grrrh. I certainly hope it feels better tomorrow. I have all the intentions to go biking.
I have a party to go to. I don’t wanna. I need to go to Gold’s Gym to see if I can get some supercheap membership to there so I can switch gyms. I really don’t feel arsed. I reaaaaally need to take a shower rather immediately, but I am feeling awfully cranky at the moment. This is where I would normally throw in the towel, but darlings… I am writing a blog instead!
And the results are in… I have lost about 5 lbs! Yay! And today I don’t even have cravings of any sort. Well, other than those yummydelicious gummy bears that my roommate left on the kitchen counter that just simply screamed my name. I didn’t have any of course. I wanted to. Oh god, I can just imagine that lovely, sugary, artificial fruity taste at the tip of my tongue.
But I am not going to have any. In fact, even if I wanted to, I probably can’t crawl to the kitchen right now with the sore muscles I have. I feel like Michelin Man in a tight corset thanks to delayed onset of muscle soreness. It appears the exercises are at least working. I do feel good about that. I feel good overall that I am structuring my life around being healthy. I’ve been “fixing” a lot of the things around me, schedule-wise. Well, I was still able to incorporate two 300kcal cheeseburgers from McDonald’s today. Darned they were… overly sweet with ketchup and really salty!?
I have not had any crack today (aka Diet Coke). Moreover, I should do a little research on the liquid. In my very unprofessional opinion, diet coke is bad for weight loss. Not just because everyone says it is, but I do distinctly remember making more progress in the past when I have not been drinking the fizzy nectarine. I already know that people are more likely to be obese if they drink diet sodas and use artificial sweeteners, I just want to know WHY diet drinks are such a detriment to my weight loss goals. I suppose I should make a mental note about that and dig deeper into the interwebs.
Since last week, all my measurements are the same except (in inches):
Upper Arm: -2.5 (I don’t believe this. I must have measured it initially funky).