It’s been a while. Let’s get the good statistics speak for themselves:
Weight: 282.6 lbs.
Running distance: 3,5 miles (and increasing!)
Fitting into: my size 22 silver jeans beautifully. In fact, just bought myself size 20’s and can’t wait to fit into them!!! (and these are true to their size, dammit!! So go fuck yourself, Old Navy for letting me lie to myself for so long.)
Circumference measurements: the same. I am not seeing much difference in the inches, oddly enough, in the clothing quite dramatically.
I have been pretty quiet. Mostly, I went through a pretty sever bout of depression. I had intense love-like feelings for a person, which soon turned into intense my-heart-is-broken-and-I really-don’t-want-to-talk-with-anyone, my mother fell very ill and I have been worried sick about her, then I felt lonely (so I subscribed to that unhealthy friends-with-benefits) and moving to a new places has been great, but I’ve needed to find my own routines again. I think there were a few weeks of binging there, too. Helloooooo dairy queen! Hello 10 lbs weight gain! In general, I’ve just needed my own time to explore new things, get my mind off of the old, and let go. I’ve needed to gather up some energy to get pumped up about losing weight again!
So, my GF Kelly and I have started up our hiking again, I’ve been running, and going to the gym for the past few weeks pretty intensely. It’s definitely over with my fwb’s, and I haven’t even talked with my ex-boyfriends. There’s just room for new things, and more room for me.
I downloaded this weight-loss simulator, and I have been following my food intake based on what it was suggesting. So far, I’m staying right on track, and it helps me stay motivated to keep going. I want to see how accurately it can predict my weight-loss based on my calorie intake. Although, I made the chart for someone that is sedentary, I’ve had to work-out a lot to get to the numbers!!!
I keep going out on runs. I keep getting lost in the damn suburbs! It’s actually quite fun. I’ve decided that every time I get lost (which, after two months, you’d think I know not to get lost 0.2 miles from home), I just have to run until I get to where I was planning on. That… and I am pretty excited to be on track again. I hope this renewed gusto sticks with me more than a few weeks! 🙂
Let’s not talk about the baseball game. I’m relatively irritated about that still. I really wish some people didn’t have the knack of making me feel like a second class citizen.
While we’re at it. I’d like to tell my 7th grade gym teacher to go fuck herself, because I got an F for running a mile in 12 minutes. Apparently, I should have accomplished this in about 8 minutes for an A. At the fucking 7th grade, nonetheless! Well, no wonder I hated running so much. My teacher was a jerk, and so were a lot of my classmates. Today, I am proudly reporting that I ran a mile in 12 minutes. I felt like I was gliding on the pavement, and it felt so amazing. I wasn’t just trying to keep slow enough pace that I could make a certain amount of minutes. No, I was just running at a fast pace (for me) until I just couldn’t any longer. Granted, not the longest ever distance, but it was real running!!!
And the scale was at 289.4 lbs this morning. Two days in a row under 290 lbs. That in itself is a feat worth celebrating with more exercise! I will yet become a goddess of some kind. Maybe just of my own internet blog, but this self-improving does feel good, and it makes me happier. It almost makes me forget the social fiascoes of the day [insert loads of grrrrrrh here].
But, since I didn’t do anything social today, I got the run in, and I got my walking in at work for the two breaks that I was planning on. I now hope that I will manage to get up early enough to go hike in the morning, and the pack most of the day. Who knows, maybe end of next week, the scale will be 288, and then I am yet another pound closer to my goal. 🙂
(Although, I’d like my belly circumference measurements go down as well. Those haven’t budged in 2 months).
And since I ran, I may also feel like I’m not full of energy and get some sleep.
I have either fractured my sesamoid bone on my left foot, or I’ve just managed to bruise it rather painfully. Either way, I am not capable of of running for the next couple of weeks until that heals up properly. Meanwhile, I have the following options:
- Take my bike to the bike shop and get it fixed (moving is siphoning my bank account)
- Ride my boring spare bike
- Not do anything at all
- Continue walking at breaks at work despite of the scorching weather
- Go to the gym and use the elliptical
- Lift some weights for the upper body
- Show the world my lumps and swim
I’m saying no to #3. That’s right. I am not giving up. Weekend was a bit tough, I drank the entire weekend myself to oblivion (thanks to mom’s cancer news). But, Monday, I started to feel guilty about my selfish feelings and self-punishment, and decided that I deserved to feel good. Mom did say that she still wants to go to Barcelona with me. I need to make it happen. I also need to start saving up to my LA trip, this time seriously. I need my passport, so I can either see mom in Finland or in Spain. I don’t care which. I need to see my family.
And today, I talked with Miss M on the work communicator. She’s skinny as it gets and very active, and she says that I am doing so well with everything. I may not be losing a lot right now, but I am consistently working toward my goals, and it’s showing. She is such a good motivator. Well, the past month is showing. I’m now where I was before I decided on that stupid affair that has been no good for me. Him and I are now just friends, and it’s so much less stressful and distracting this way. I get to flirt a little, but I don’t feel attached at all. Now, he actually comes to talk to me at work and we don’t have to avoid each other in order to cover up for what really is going on.
Some different boy from work asked me out. I feel guilty about even saying yes. Now, I’ve been avoiding him at work like plague. I have never even flirted with him. Oh god… I talked with a married co-worker of mine, and he just said that men just appear to get really attached to me really quickly — far quicker than I make that sort of bonds.
I just have issues. =D
Like loads of them. Like I should have a protein shake and blueberries since I just worked out, and tape up my foot a little better. Oh, and watch Game of Thrones.
Well, looks like my quest to be active has been going better than I expected. We can partially thank Facebook for that. Some of my friends I’ve spent less time with are now turning into friends to do more things with since we’ve realized we have so many common interests and goals: Disc golfing, running, hiking, tennis, being nerds, and biking. It’s great! Not only do I get to be active, but I get to do this with people I really like!
I am a little bummed out I forgot my camera when Kelly and I went to hike up the Table Rock (elevation: 3658 ft ( 1115 m)). Not sure what the base elevation is exactly, but Boise has an approximate elevation of 2,730 ft (850 m). It was tough! Took Kelly and I an hour and half, and my calves and thighs are sore now. According to this Bodybugg, I didn’t actually burn more calories per minute than I do when I walk typically, but the hike up the hill was definitely more of a resistance workout, and I was running out of breath.
The nice thing in Boise is that people are super friendly and sweet, and it’s not atypical for strangers to joke around a bit on the trail when you pass them. That already makes walking on the trails nice, but it helped that I had someone to keep me accountable, so I couldn’t very well just quit half way up.
I’ll try to take my camera with me next time, but here’s a picture I am liberally using from this lovely blog. You should check it out. There are several reasons I’ve fallen in love with Boise over the years, and this view is one of them.
And today, I did some disc golf at the park. That took a lot of energy, but I felt really like I needed to do something else all day, so I went to do some of my speed work with running a bit ago. All in all, I had a really active weekend, and I look forward to being this active, if not even more, all summer long.
I even told my guest-to-be-of-10-days that I am hoping we can spend as much time outdoors as possible while he is here. Even if he hates the outdoors, and loves nothing as much as A/C, I need to be out. Thankfully, he seemed to be more OK with it than I expected.
I finally did it — I ran 3 miles Monday. Mind you, the pavement decided all of a sudden snatch my foot, and then push me on the pavement mid-stride. Grrh. I would have tried to beat it up, but it had already gotten my knee and my palm pretty harshly. Besides, it knocked the wind out of my lungs, and that is never a good feeling. Aren’t these massive chesticles supposed to prevent that sort of a thing? What good are they if not soften the landing…
And today, I ended up running on the treadmill for a few minutes, mostly to warm up for my circuits. Nothing massive. In fact, I feel kind of silly that I am muscle-wise still “out of shape” in my own standards. I’m pretty strong, but not nearly as strong as I used to. I do need to get to the gym more frequently for the weight-lifting. I decided to take advantage for the fact that I slept all afternoon after work, and that there were no women in the women’s workout room at Gold’s. I had aaaaaaall the machine for myself. Usually I work alongside with the men, but doing things that I find a little girlyish, like circuits, I appreciated the solitude.
Circuit (repeat x 3, no rest between exercises):
- 1 min on treadmill for 8 mph
- 15 rows at a machine at 145 lbs
- 15 push-ups, feet on a stability ball
- 15 leg raises off a bench, lifting butt at the top of the movement
- 15 combined dumbell bicep curls and shoulder presses at 20 lbs
- 15 tricep extensions, one arm at a time, 15 lbs (eeeeek, weak…)
That was about 35 minutes
I’d post pictures about my bruise, and my amazing 10 minute turkey burger/sandwich that I came up with, but my camera is apparently out of batteries. Just be aware that I was thinking of you, and I knew you really wanted to see my battle wounds while you drooled.
As far as the title of the post — I feel exactly that. I’m working toward my goals one pound at a time. I feel at ease. I don’t feel pressured to be skinnier, I don’t feel bad about working out. I feel like I am consistently making efforts to a better, healthier me, and I am not frustrated or impatient about this. One pound at a time. I also made a goal that I’d lose 45 lbs by my birthday. That means, next December I ought to be just under 250 lbs. I had better have some killer booty by then, though. that’s 8 months away. With this rate, who knows, I may get there faster. I may not. But oh my god… That would mean I’d be only 70 lbs from my goal weight, instead of this 110 lbs.
Brink of obesity… we are saying bye bye to you sooner or later 🙂
Oh gosh. Maybe that day of splurging was really what I needed! Two slices of pizza, and lasagna, and some deli salad — and a few cookies on top of that. Overall, I don’t think I went much over 2,500 kcal, but just enough to feel better today. I was so drained out of energy after eating ~1,700 kcal on that HIIT day. As much lean mass I have, and as much as I burn calories a day, this is way too little for me on my active days. I could still feel the burn yesterday, even after eating all that!!! And I didn’t do a damn thing all day!
And today, I am at ~1900 kcal. I am hoping that the temporary water weight that comes from eating more calories will subside quickly. My measurements were definitely down this morning:
- Butt: 52.5
- Waist (at its smallest): 36.5
- Belly (at navel level): 44.0
Although, I was really tired all day at work (thank you daylight savings!), I got home and I just felt like I couldn’t let the day go to waste when it was so pretty outside. I went to the garage, put some air in my bike tires, and decided to do a light bike ride around the green belt. Apparently, my light rides are now 11,5 miles in about 52 minutes. Actually, I am surprised how quickly that went. That’s a nice, light pace speed I was biking. It’s easy to lose the track of time outside. Although, my iPod wasn’t much help… all this music that was about to put me to sleep… I probably should take a good look at my playlist and make a decent set for biking. I already have my angry music for lifting, and my TOP 40 beats for running. 🙂
But I don’t think Yo-Yo Ma is going to make great cycling tunes any time soon.
Well, really, the big thing is that despite of not feeling like it, I went out and I biked anyway, and I felt great about it. I really have had an itch to go lift weights today, but I know I have to be at work tomorrow at 7 am. Jerks. That’s going to be torture. I’ll see if I can skip that early, and go to the gym on the afternoon. If I feel really adventurous, maybe I’ll even catch a class in some sordid, horrible aerobics that will remind me why I don’t like going to those classes.
I guess, I am just excited that I am on this journey now. I’m definitely milking this as long as the feeling lasts 🙂
I am trying HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) for a change to try to improve my running speed gradually. Yesterday, I ended up running a mile at a comfortable 4.5 mph pace. That’s not very fast, but it was a good, restorative pace for me. However, I want to make sure that I am getting all the benefits from the little I do spend working out, so today, I went to the gym to work the treadmill (instead of biking in the gorgeous weather). Not only are they good to get your heart rate really going, put it is a good way to push your limits in short intervals.
As lovely as it is to run and bike outside, I am not good at controlling my speed. I may think I am running faster than I was, but apparently, I am not pushing myself enough. So at the gym I did a good 30 minute work-out:
- 5 minute warm-up at 3.8 mph walking speed
- 45 seconds of running at 7 mph
- 2 min and 15 seconds of walking at 3.8 mph
It was much tougher than I expected. I’m not good enough to do 30 second sprint and then only 30 second recovery job. This already was tough enough for me to finish! The last running section I did on 8 mph to really squeeze all the rest of the energy out of me. It pretty much was almost like an out of body experience for me. First of all, I was slightly shocked I was able to do it, but second of all, I didn’t have to time to think about it while I was running, because I had to concentrate on staying on the treadmill!!! I think it’s absolutely crazy that people are actually able to run in these speeds for in any prolonged time. Kudos go to them! Ha ha.
I feel a little less morose than I have all this past week. I do have friends! I do need to keep reminding me of that. 🙂 And now, I think I deserve to have myself one beer… 🙂