So, it has come to this.
I was cleaning my closet of clothing that I can’t fit into. A lot of these clothes are size 14-18 shirts, and size 18-20 pants. That’s a lot of sexy clothes that I got rid of and have now replaced with whatever is cheap from WalMart. In the past year, I have ballooned to a size that can only be described “Outch”. Well, at least I still get hit on by men – mostly those that have a fatty fetish.
Being as fat as I am is not comfortable; have you ever tried to wipe your ass past back fat rolls or sat in a restaurant where your hips dig into chairs? These are the kind of things I’ve taken for granted up until the past year. Now I have enough stretchmarks, that I have to wonder that if I ever even get skinny, would anyone actually find me attractive naked? I would hope so. I am six feet tall and 330 lbs. I am not comfortable in my skin. My BMI is 44.8 as we speak, my knees hurt, I have an arthritic lower back. I am most definitely categorized as morbidly obese – and I hate the people in my life that try to tell me that I “look good just the way I am.”
So yes, I will be blogging about my life as a fat person. I have never been skinny, although I have been at BMI of 27 when I was younger (while throwing up for a few years). Worse yet, I am a compulsive eater. I often fail at controlling my eating; if I end up being quiet on this blog, it’s probably because I am embarrassed to admit that I am shoving 2000 kcal in my mouth in one sitting.
For me to just be right under “obese”, I will have to weight less than 220 lbs. That’s 110 lbs. Let’s not even talk about what it would be like if I was actually normal weight. I want to be healthy first and foremost. I want to find love. I want to be attractive. I want the sparkles inside of me shine out in the real world!