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Posts tagged “Weight loss

Still Fat!

399.4 lbs. What do you even say to that? This is yet another rock bottom of my life? Another milestone in physical and mental failures manifesting my inability to conquer myself?  I have no words to describe how embarrassing it is to find myself where I am and how desperately I want to rediscover myself.

whales

Can’t possibly be big compared to a humpback whale.

Except, this time it is harder than ever. I am 34, I have a family, and almost a two-year old, with whom I spend less time than I wish I did. My career is more demanding than ever and I less opportunities to move than I ever had due to it.  Sure. These are excuses. I need more discipline.

I established discipline poorly when I was single, younger, freer. When I had all those opportunities to learn that being in shape, being successful, has nothing to do with how motivated I am. How inspired I am. You do what you do because you need to. That’s with raising kids, working, and unfortunately for me, being healthy.

There’s a lot I can’t do right now. More about it below. It means, my first big push starts in the kitchen, and just doing things that I can that I don’t necessarily like, but I have to do because I can’t get to the fund things until I’ve suffered the boring a while.

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Mothering and exercise

I truly admire any working mother with an infant that has any energy to work out after a baby has woken up three times in the middle of the night to feed, and other general shenanigans.

I am so tired and worn out that even coming to work has been challenging. I’m just asking that my sweet little baby would just sleep a few more hours at a time before waking up. Exercise? I can make time for it, but I have no energy at the moment. I’ve gone to bed extra early because I’m just that tired, too.

Well, I’ve been eating okay, so yay for that. 354 lbs. Staying on track! This sleep deprivation will change, too.


Non-scale victory?

Reddit has ruined my vocabulary (NSVs everywhere! ). Nevertheless, my wedding ring fits my finger now!  I look like a missus…

…thanks to getting sick again. Naked protein smoothies, I’m looking at you (the only common denominator between the last gastrointestinal bout and this one; no shakes between the two).

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353 lbs.


Miss me?

No, yes, maybe? Well, either way, tomorrow it will be on! Where am I now? 370 goddamn pounds post partum. As adorable as my boy is, mommy needs to look like a professional chubmuffin, not a mommy that ate a few too many almond croissants the last two trimester.

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Well, it’s been a few months…

It’s been a while. Let’s get the good statistics speak for themselves:

Weight: 282.6 lbs.
Running distance: 3,5 miles (and increasing!)
Fitting into: my size 22 silver jeans beautifully. In fact, just bought myself size 20’s and can’t wait to fit into them!!! (and these are true to their size, dammit!! So go fuck yourself, Old Navy for letting me lie to myself for so long.)
Circumference measurements: the same. I am not seeing much difference in the inches, oddly enough, in the clothing quite dramatically.

I have been pretty quiet. Mostly, I went through a pretty sever bout of depression. I had intense love-like feelings for a person, which soon turned into intense my-heart-is-broken-and-I really-don’t-want-to-talk-with-anyone, my mother fell very ill and I have been worried sick about her, then I felt lonely (so I subscribed to that unhealthy friends-with-benefits) and moving to a new places has been great, but I’ve needed to find my own routines again. I think there were a few weeks of binging there, too. Helloooooo dairy queen! Hello 10 lbs weight gain! In general, I’ve just needed my own time to explore new things, get my mind off of the old, and let go. I’ve needed to gather up some energy to get pumped up about losing weight again!

So, my GF Kelly and I have started up our hiking again, I’ve been running, and going to the gym for the past few weeks pretty intensely.  It’s definitely over with my fwb’s, and I haven’t even talked with my ex-boyfriends.  There’s just room for new things, and more room for me.

I downloaded this weight-loss simulator, and I have been following my food intake based on what it was suggesting. So far, I’m staying right on track, and it helps me stay motivated to keep going. I want to see how accurately it can predict my weight-loss based on my calorie intake. Although, I made the chart for someone that is sedentary, I’ve had to work-out a lot to get to the numbers!!!

I keep going out on runs. I keep getting lost in the damn suburbs! It’s actually quite fun. I’ve decided that every time I get lost (which, after two months, you’d think I know not to get lost 0.2 miles from home), I just have to run until I get to where I was planning on.  That… and I am pretty excited to be on track again. I hope this renewed gusto sticks with me more than a few weeks! 🙂


Change of Plans

Let’s not talk about the baseball game. I’m relatively irritated about that still. I really wish some people didn’t have the knack of making me feel like a second class citizen.

While we’re at it. I’d like to tell my 7th grade gym teacher to go fuck herself, because I got an F for running a mile in 12 minutes. Apparently, I should have accomplished this in about 8 minutes for an A.  At the fucking 7th grade, nonetheless! Well, no wonder I hated running so much. My teacher was a jerk, and so were a lot of my classmates.  Today, I am proudly reporting that I ran a mile in 12 minutes. I felt like I was gliding on the pavement, and it felt so amazing. I wasn’t just trying to keep slow enough pace that I could make a  certain amount of minutes. No, I was just running at a fast pace (for me) until I just couldn’t any longer. Granted, not the longest ever distance, but it was real running!!!

And the scale was at 289.4 lbs this morning. Two days in a row under 290 lbs. That in itself is a feat worth celebrating with more exercise! I will yet become a goddess of some kind. Maybe just of my own internet blog, but this self-improving does feel good, and it makes me happier. It almost makes me forget the  social fiascoes of the day [insert loads of grrrrrrh here].

But, since I didn’t do anything social today, I got the run in, and I got my walking in at work for the two breaks that I was planning on. I now hope that I will manage to get up early enough to go hike in the morning, and the pack most of the day. Who knows, maybe end of next week, the scale will be 288, and then I am yet another pound closer to my goal. 🙂

(Although, I’d like my belly circumference measurements go down as well. Those haven’t budged in 2 months).

 

And since I ran, I may also feel like I’m not full of energy and get some sleep.


One Pound at a Time

I finally did it — I ran 3 miles Monday.  Mind you, the pavement decided all of a sudden snatch my foot, and then push me on the pavement mid-stride. Grrh. I would have tried to beat it up, but it had already gotten my knee and my palm pretty harshly. Besides, it knocked the wind out of my lungs, and that is never a good feeling. Aren’t these massive chesticles supposed to prevent that sort of a thing? What good are they if not soften the landing…

And today, I ended up running on the treadmill for a few minutes, mostly to warm up for my circuits. Nothing massive. In fact, I feel kind of silly that I am muscle-wise still “out of shape” in my own standards. I’m pretty strong, but not nearly as strong as I used to.  I do need to get to the gym more frequently for the weight-lifting. I decided to take advantage for the fact that I slept all afternoon after work, and that there were no women in the women’s workout room at Gold’s. I had aaaaaaall the machine for myself. Usually I work alongside with the men, but doing things that I find a little girlyish, like circuits, I appreciated the solitude.

Circuit (repeat x 3, no rest between exercises):

  • 1 min on treadmill for 8 mph
  • 15 rows at a machine at 145 lbs
  • 15 push-ups, feet on a stability ball
  • 15 leg raises off a bench, lifting butt at the top of the movement
  • 15 combined dumbell bicep curls and shoulder presses at 20 lbs
  • 15  tricep extensions, one arm at a time, 15 lbs (eeeeek, weak…)

That was about 35 minutes

I’d post pictures about my bruise, and my amazing 10 minute turkey burger/sandwich that I came up with, but my camera is apparently out of batteries. Just be aware that I was thinking of you, and I knew you really wanted to see my battle wounds while you drooled.

As far as the title of the post —  I feel exactly that. I’m working toward my goals one pound at a time. I feel at ease. I don’t feel pressured to be skinnier, I don’t feel bad about working out. I feel like I am consistently making efforts to a better, healthier me, and I am not frustrated or impatient about this.  One pound at a time. I also made a goal that I’d lose 45 lbs by my birthday. That means, next December I ought to be  just under 250 lbs. I had better have some killer booty by then, though. that’s 8 months away. With this rate, who knows, I may get there faster. I may not.  But oh my god… That would mean I’d be only 70 lbs from my goal weight, instead of this 110 lbs.

Brink of obesity… we are saying bye bye to you sooner or later 🙂