I am struggling

I haven’t been struggling staying focused on my weight-loss. I feel tired, drained, and most of all, I haven’t stayed organized at all. The mornings have been a scramble, yesterday I took a day off from working out although I really shouldn’t have. I’ve eaten erratically. I need to get re-focused! I don’t have my gym clothes with me, I talk myself out of working out right after work… I forget to add numbers to my little spreadsheet to keep me accountable.  I need to figure this out. This is feeling like all my other weight-losses, where I just eventually give up. I don’t want to!!!! I need to continue and work hard!
The thing is, I think I felt a bit comfortable weighing 308.6 lbs already. That makes my goal of 300 lbs by December 14th seem like an easy road! Well, it isn’t. I need to be consistent, I need to fit into my pretty clothes, and I want to feel good about me.  I am determined to get through this slump. I just don’t know how yet 😦

I did so well negotiating a great deal at the gym for myself for the next two years. I really felt good about that, but I haven’t gone to the gym yet. I am going to do that today. I just absolutely have to for myself. I have to get re-focused. I need to get more good quality sleep and be more selfish about my time. For tomorrow, I am going to lay my clothes out and make sure all my things are ready to go.

Wooot Wooooooot! Finally Some progress.

While I’m feeling really guilty that I am nursing a slight shin splint, and I really am too tired to do practically anything, I figured I’d at least take pictures of my current progress! I have been struggling all week with motivation; it was definitely all I could do to keep focused on the positive things when the scale didn’t move at all for five days.  It’s strange how that can psychologically just wear you down. I know I’ve been retaining ridiculous amounts of water after all the sodium I’ve ingested in the form of McDonald’s and other processed foods. My ankles could probably serve as a reservoir to the local water company.

Mid-week, what really kept me going was my mother’s support (“Yes, you need to do this for you. I am so happy you are doing this!”) and my awesome 2 mile walk/ run two days ago. Although I didn’t run continuously the entire time, I did run far further and with less walking distance than I have in a year. What’s even better, I have my excel spread sheet open on my desktop all the time. I can’t get away from it! I am logging every piece of food I am eating, all the exercise I am doing, and my measurements (and spending money). I would be completely lost without it! It’s keeping me accountable, and I can’t talk myself out of the reality of things, i.e. everything I do is in black and white in front of me, and I can’t pretend that I’ve done something different.

Today, I had way too many carbs in the morning, and consequently, I have been starving all day. It’s been hard to try to not go over my allotted calories considering how little I’ve managed to move all day (read: to my car and back — twice!).  I  want to make sure that I am getting adequate rest, and still keeping a moderate calorie deficiency while doing so. Thank god for low-calorie vegetables and tuna for allowing me to survive until tomorrow without any major binges.

Then the good news: I was so happy this morning! I weighed myself at an incredible 313.2 lbs!  That being said, it’s been four weeks since I have been on this journey, and here are the progress pictures.  Personally, I can’t see a lot of change in the new picture. My sides seem a little less angled.  My tape measurements are definitely down from before:

End of August, 330 lbs.

Progress! 313.2 lbs, 4 weeks later.

Before:

Hips:  56.5
Waist: 41.5
Chest: 50.75
Bellybutton: 51.5

Current:

Hips: 55.0
Waist: 39.0
Chest: 50.25
Bellybutton: 49.0

Drumroll! The most exciting part of this is that my chest is again bigger than my belly!!! Wooohoo! That is something to be celebrate for.